Changing Sex Expectations with Changing Technology

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Technology and human life cannot be separated and we use technology in our daily life and our needs and demands for technology keep on increasing...

Technology covers every sphere of life including transportation, communication, learning, healthcare, business, and living in comfort. However, technology has also caused us concerns.

Particularly, the widespread use of smartphones has brought a revolution in social life along with many severe and negative impacts on our society. Its use and abuse are increasing day by day among all age groups and income groups without exception.

The result is the pollution of the environment causing a serious threat to our lives and polluting our health & minds, particularly sexual health.

A large number of people turn to search engines for answers to all their concerns – financial, spiritual, health-related, and sex-related.

People decide on what they should eat or drink or do or even think of what Google, WhatsApp, Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook says.

While a smartphone, tablet, or computer can be a highly productive tool, compulsive use of these devices can interfere with your daily life, work, character, and relationships.

Smartphone addiction, sometimes colloquially known as “nomophobia” (fear of being without a mobile phone), is often fuelled by an Internet overuse problem or pornography addiction disorder.

Compulsive use of Internet pornography, sexting, nude-swapping, adult chat rooms, or messaging services can impact negatively on your real-life intimate relationships and overall emotional health.

While online pornography and cybersex addiction are types of sexual addictions, which are made easily accessible by the Internet.

There are no distinct categories, but sexual addictions can come in different forms, including addiction to:

Pornography

Prostitution

Masturbation or fantasy

Sadistic or masochistic behavior

Exhibitionism/Voyeurism

Other excessive sexual pursuits

If you or someone you love suffers from sex addiction, you might not have healthy boundaries. If your spouse is addicted to porn or sex, you may feel alienated, isolated, depressed, angry, or humiliated and need treatment.

If you are addicted to sex, you might become easily involved with people sexually or emotionally regardless of how well you know them.

Because most sex addicts fear being abandoned, they might stay in relationships that aren’t healthy, or they may jump from relationship to relationship or they might feel empty or incomplete.

Sex addiction or pornography addiction can create many physical side effects. However, the most common physical symptom you might notice from an addict is feeling immobilized due to sexual or emotional obsessions. 

YOU MAY ALSO LOOKOUT FOR THE FOLLOWING SIGNS:

You feel powerless over how you act sexually. Physical consequences like sexual dysfunction or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). About 38% of men and 45% of women with sex addiction have a venereal disease as a result of their behavior.

In one survey, nearly 70% of women with sex addiction reported they had experienced at least one unwanted pregnancy as a result of their addiction.

You feel shame, embarrassment, or even self-loathing over your sexual acts.

Overexposure to sexual content can contribute to characteristics that drive hypersexual behavior, anxiety, depression, poor impulse control, and performance anxiety might be simultaneous issues.

EXPECTATION VERSUS REALITY

Frequent exposure to pornography makes a man or woman feel that what you watch is the right way of doing things. Because you repeatedly see different porn stars doing the same thing with their different partners. So you tend to believe that what they do is the right way of having sex or enjoying life on the bed.

This wrong belief makes one demand more from his/her partner. When you approach your partner with preset concepts of the size of sexual organs, the time taken for foreplay, methods and sex positions, duration of time of action based on what you have seen in porn videos, your poor and innocent partner (male or female) can’t reach anywhere near. This causes utter disappointment in both partners.

The above instance can be compared to the scenes in a feature film. The heroes with toned muscles are seen in most movies challenging even a battalion of villains including the most terrific gang leader and killing or chasing away all of them single-handed.

But how many of us can do something similar in real life? Can even these heroes or villains do the same in real life?

The above question needs to be thought about, again and again! If a wife expects her man to keep her in ecstasy for an hour as seen in the porn film; if a man expects her wife to perform all that the porn star does, only God helps them. It is an impossible task. Also, remember that the porn stars do the job for a hefty amount and act as per the instruction of a director; just like the actors do in a feature film or series.

So limit your expectations. There is no director in your bedroom. No make-up man or cameraman. Nobody is going to pay you whether you do good or bad. It is just both of you.

Try naturally to satisfy your partner and expect only realistic, natural performance from your partner. Then both can enjoy, which will also help smooth family life.

Being a doctor with more than 40 years of experience in counseling and treating patients with sexual problems I observe something alarming. Earlier most patients used to be 35 or 40 plus category.

Whereas youth in the age group of 20+ also come now with sexual problems including excessive masturbation and lack of self-confidence. The reason is mostly pornography addiction.

Research has shown that male porn use predicts lower sex quality for both men and women. Men often report not being as attracted to their spouse when they use pornography and this may be part of the reason for the lowered quality.

Sexuality, like any other behavior, can be modified to an extent by reward and punishment. If a man is regularly having rewarding sexual experiences with pornography, he will begin to need that kind of stimulation to achieve orgasm.

Exposure to pornography has also been shown to predict adolescent uncertainty about sexual beliefs and sexual orientation. It is impossible to say if pornography is causing this uncertainty or if it is just that uncertain youth seek out pornography, but the connection is concerning.

If you do find that your child is viewing pornography, it would be good to discuss sexuality and pornography to help him or her manage potential feelings of uncertainty.

When pornography is an issue it can feel like an affair. If the female partner is not comfortable with pornography, porn usage will usually either stop or become secretive.

When the user continues in secret, the lying, the feeling of there being these "other women", the loss of intimacy, and the fact that the man is seeking comfort from another source make the dynamics in the relationship very similar to those created by cheating.

Sometimes the relationship between the pornography and the man can be stronger than the relationship between the couple.

Internet Porn Is Killing Sexual Performance In Young People

There is little to no doubt that the vast majority of people with Internet access, especially younger people, are indeed looking at porn – sometimes a little bit, sometimes a lot.

The danger of pornography use isn't about right and wrong. It's about the effects that pornography has on the user and the effects it has on the loved ones of the user. Pornography use has serious, negative side effects.

One potential effect of frequent porn use is reduced or even nonexistent interest in sexual, physical, and emotional connections with real-world sexual partners.

A Japanese study conducted in 2008 and another in 2010 found that some respondents said that sex with another person was “a bother,” while others said they preferred girls as anime (animated) characters.

Many admitted that frequent masturbation satisfied their sexual needs as well as or better than in-person encounters.

Often porn users report that delayed ejaculation or inability to orgasm (anorgasmia) was a precursor to full-blown erectile dysfunction.

Frequent porn use is leading to male and female sexual dysfunction.

Another study provided similar results, finding associations between porn use in young adults and risky sexual activity (such as unprotected sex & sex with strangers) along with an increase in substance abuse, engaging in riskier sexual behaviors, having more relationship problems, and being more likely to be truant, smoking and drinking alcohol.

Porn addiction changes men’s expectations of what sex with a real-world partner should be like, 85% said they think porn has hurt women’s confidence and 67% said they think women feel pressured to behave like porn stars in the bedroom.

Women, whose romantic partners look at pornography frequently are less happy in their relationships because they feel as if they can’t measure up to the images online and they are rating them lower not only on attractiveness but on warmth and intelligence.

Most frightening of all, research suggests that even moderate porn use correlates directly with shrinkage in the brain (reduced gray matter) and decreased sexual responsiveness.

The team conducting this study did state that porn users’ brains might have been diminished before porn use, but they felt that a much more plausible explanation was that heavy porn use had caused the shrinkage.

A brain structure called the ventral striatum plays a significant role in the reward system of the brain - the pleasure pathways. It is the same part of the brain that “lights up” when an alcoholic sees a picture of a drink.

When having sex or watching porn, dopamine is released into a region of the brain responsible for emotion and learning, giving the viewer a sense of sharp focus and a sense of craving: “I have got to have this thing; this is what I need right now.”

It supplies a great sense of pleasure. The next time the viewer gets the “itch” for more sexual pleasure, small packets of dopamine are released in the brain telling the user: “Remember where you got your fix last time. Go there to get it.”

Norepinephrine is also released, creating alertness and focus. It is the brain’s version of adrenaline. It tells the brain, “Something is about to happen, and we need to get ready for it.”

Sex or porn also triggers the release of oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones help to lay down the long-term memories for the cells.

They “bind” a person’s memories to the object that gave him or her sexual pleasure.

The body releases endorphins, natural opiates that create a “high,” a wave of pleasure over the whole body.

After sexual release serotonin levels also change, bringing a sense of calmness and relaxation.

This system works the way it is supposed to work when you’re having sex with your spouse.

Together you can experience a high, an alertness of sexual pleasure, and a deep calmness afterward (norepinephrine, endorphins, and serotonin). With each sexual embrace, you are emotionally bonding to this person (oxytocin and vasopressin). Over time a sex craving is transformed into a desire for one another (dopamine).

PORN SHORT-CIRCUITS THE SYSTEM

Multiple problems happen when porn is used. First, instead of forming a deep connection to a person, your brain ends up “bonding” to a pornographic experience.

Your brain remembers where the sexual high was experienced, and each time you desire sexual stimulation, you feel a sharp sense of focus: I’ve got to go back to the porn.

In addition, PORNOGRAPHY GIVES THE BRAIN AN UNNATURAL HIGH.

After a surge of dopamine in the brain, the brain eventually fatigues, stopping the production of dopamine, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. As a result, everyday pleasures stop causing excitement and the viewer seeks out more novel, more intense pornography to get the same high as before.

This imbalance in the brain leads to many problems: impotence with your spouse, frequent masturbation with very little satisfaction, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and escalating tastes for more bizarre or novel porn.

With pornography, we use sex as a substitute for nurture, intimacy, and love. Sex is no longer a wonderful source of connection between our deepest selves and a beloved partner; it becomes a commodity used to avoid intimacy and mask needs that should be met through human connections.

OTHER EFFECTS OF PORNOGRAPHY

Many adolescents who view pornography initially feel shame, diminished self-confidence, and sexual uncertainty, but these feelings quickly shift to unadulterated enjoyment with regular viewing.

The presence of sexually oriented businesses significantly harms the surrounding community, leading to increases in crime and decreases in property values.

The main defenses against pornography are close family life, a good marriage, and good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate parental monitoring of Internet use.

Traditionally, the government has kept a tight lid on sexual traffic and businesses, but in matters of pornography that has waned almost completely, except where child pornography is concerned. Given the massive, deleterious individual, marital, family, and social effects of pornography, it is time for citizens, communities, and government to reconsider their laissez-faire approach.

As pornography grows it becomes even more important for society to understand the dangers that are associated with pornography so everyone can make decisions and take actions that are informed.

THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Everything that has happened to you happened because of thoughts impressed on your subconscious mind through belief. The more you feed your subconscious mind with what you think, touch, hear, feel and see, the more it molds your conscious behavior too. It is the same with watching porn repeatedly. If you have communicated the wrong idea to your subconscious mind, it is of the most urgent importance to correct them.

The sure way to do this is by repeatedly giving your subconscious mind constructive, harmonious, positive, and creative thoughts. As these are frequently repeated, your subconscious mind accepts them. In this way, you can form new healthier habits of thought and life.

To be free from the grip of pornography and to reclaim your sexuality, you can learn more with the right counseling from our senior physician Dr. SHABEER AHAMED ROY who has spent decades gathering information through research and practice. Only a combination of counseling and medication can solve these problems.

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